For the first real post here, I want to address something that came up in a group on Facebook for nonprofit executive directors. One of the members went off on what amounts to little more than a self-indulgent hissy fit about about how people being "passive/aggressive" was making her workplace unpleasant and hostile. From the description rendered, it really struck me as being more "I don't like being told that I screwed up" scenario and less an actual people being hostile.
On the scale that accompanies the "List of Things That Make Steve Mildly Misanthropic", being an entitled self-important snowflake who cannot stand being criticized or take being laughed at is pretty close to the top. It's not quite "Let's resort to violence and property crimes to protest someone getting shot because he was stupid enough to pick a fight with the cops" level stupid. You know "Rioting for Peace"....right up there with "Fucking to Preserve Virginity" for nonsensical responses to a perceived problem.
It is pretty indicative of someone who has their head crammed pretty firmly up their own ass. The fact that these attitudes are held by folks who- based on their professional roles- probably deal with people who lead lives that makes theirs look far more entitled than they are willing to admit. Usually this sort of crap is the result of people who have never had any sort of difficulty
The even more asinine part of this little shit show was when the person who posted it was called on it (by me), she resorted to a rather sexist attitude of basically saying "Well, men don't understand how it sounds". Now...two things: 1) thanks for assuming that because I am a guy that I lack basic perceptive skills 2) if you would get offended by my turning that around and saying "Well, women are just too fucking sensitive sweetheart...so pop back into the kitchen and make me a sammich" (WHICH I AM NOT JUST SO WE ARE CLEAR) then using a gender based fallacy for the crux of your rebuttal does not make you "enlightened", "insightful" or anything else that a reasonable person would take as a compliment.
It makes you a self-absorbed, bigoted hypocrite. No further discussion necessary. You've just made it pointedly clear that you dismiss differing viewpoints largely on the basis of things beyond a person's control. The irony of flaunting one's troglodytic prejudice loudly and proudly on a day intended to celebrating a person who was murdered for trying to counter such attitudes (Martin Luther King Jr) is just so overwhelming that I doubt there are words for it.
Here's the takeaway from all of this: if you cannot grasp the concept that every single one of us will screw up and that it's perfectly healthy to respond to a superior's bad idea with "Yeah, sure boss. I'll get right on that. Just let me make sure my insurance premiums are paid up first", then you probably have too much of an ego to be a maximally effective leader. If you put yourself so far above those who work for you or with you that the idea of a good-natured prank or joke offends you, then YOU are the problem.
Sarcasm, blunt responses and what the person who inspired this post would consider to be passive aggression have been at the core of bonding together societies, cultures and teams since time immemorial. You see a lot of folks who don't understand laconic commentary. This would be seen today by overly sensitive types as passive aggressive but it is nothing more than getting the point across succinctly and perhaps with a little humor to lighten a tense situation. It is also a very effective way to deflate a person whose pomposity has reached proportions that the Goodyear Corporation comes calling because they are looking to add another huge bag of gas to their fleet of airships.
A classic example being the famous terse reply given to Philip II of Macedon (for those not familiar, that would be the father of Alexander the Great) when he told the Spartans that if he invaded their homeland their culture would be destroyed and unable to rebuild: "If". As in, "You don't have the balls to do it". Just for the record....that invasion never happened.
If you want an example involving a woman, you need to look no further than another famous reply from a Spartan. That being the reply of Gorgo (queen of the Spartans and wife of the famed hero Leonidas) who was asked why only Spartan women were allowed to rule men: "Because we are the only ones who give birth to men". Passive aggressive as hell but it's also a statement that most modern feminists would be hard pressed to top in terms of "I don't give a shit what you think". It's powerful without sounding like you're overreaching. Which....given that she was the queen of the land that spawned probably some of the most storied warriors in antiquity it's hard to argue with her assessment.
Before a bunch of folks with questionable judgment and even more questionable motives decided that society should start handing out awards for showing up, a sense of camaraderie was fostered largely through what seems like childish or perhaps even slightly mean practices. Firefighters, military, EMS, cops, nurses....pretty much any highly stressful and/or difficult field has their inside jokes. Their standard pranks. If you don't feel like it is anything but a "Hey, I am one of the team", that' on you.
YOU have separated yourself from the team. YOU have created a dichotomy where one should not exist. YOU have failed in leading your people because if they want to speak up they should have every right to do so so long as it is not meant to usurp or circumvent your power. Most of the time, even the most snarky comment made in private or within the confines of a team who trusts one another- especially in cases where you are literally trusting your colleagues with your life and they you with theirs- is not meant nor should it be taken in such a context.
A good leader should be completely comfortable with his or her people joking with him even if they are somewhat on the receiving end of the humor. You give it right back. That's how this is supposed to work. You aren't just there to make decisions. You are there to be one of them. If you cannot see that then you are failing the most basic task a leader has to the people they lead. You are there to care for them as though they are your own. If they cannot laugh at you or at one another....congratulations. You are destroying that team as surely as any external force ever could.
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